The Affections Of A Doll
by ZandersIllusion
Summary: Drocell x OC x Joker. Rated M for future chapters ;) . Rose's life before Drocell is a mystery, the first thing she remembers is waking up on an old workbench. 3 years later she meets a circus troupe who shows Rose that life isn't always what it seems...
1. Affections of A Doll

I sat on the old wooden chair watching Drocell make yet another doll. A comforting silence filled the room. Today was just as uneventful as any other. I got up, got dressed, opened the shop, made some clothes for the dolls and now I was sitting here watching my fiance. As much as I love Drocell, I'm beginning to hate this routine.

After the excitement of last month I had hoped something would change. It was then that a young boy and a butler dressed in black arrived at the manor. They had " killed" Drocell and left with the girl that was meant to be a new doll. It took all the self control I had not kill those idiots. Drocell may have made a few mistakes but he didn't deserve to be killed. They just left him for dead ! It disgusts me how vile humans can be sometimes.

I thought after an event life that maybe something would change but It all settled back down again. The boy and his butler are paying us a visit today, apparently they don't know of my existence yet { not that I'm surprised}. Drocell has kept me hidden for a long time. He doesn't even allow me to go outside. " It's too dangerous for a young lady". I hate to say it but over the years he's grown extremely possessive. Sometimes I find myself wondering why I stay. It's not as though the door were locked, I could walk out of here anytime I please yet I choose to stay. Why ?

I looked back at Drocell. Taking in his soft features as he worked and was reminded of why. For him.

He loves me and I love him so I put up with his silly rules. I stay inside and don't leave so I won't upset him. To be honest I'm afraid of what might happen if I do leave. I'm not afraid of Drocell if that's what you're thinking. I know he won't hurt me but ... Would he leave me ? Even the thought of him not being by my side pains me. I need him as much as he needs me, possibly more. I wouldn't be able to cope on my own. I know it's pathetic but it's true.

I watch him. His eyes completely focused on the doll in front of him. He seems distracted but I know from experience that at the smallest noise he'll turn his head. A sigh passes my lips as I lean back against the chair. I knew falling for him would mean danger. I was now completely dependent on him, to the point where I'm afraid to leave. _" Maybe that was his plan all along. He knows I can't leave"._

And so here I stay, watching him as he works. Neither of us speak but sometimes we steal glances at each other. Each time I catch his eye he smiles, his creepy yet heart warming smile and I melt.

 _" He knows what he's doing."_ A harsh male voice rings through my head.

 _" He may be made of straw and wood but he's not stupid. You're just his puppet. He controls you."_ It's true but still causes a shiver to run down my spine.

He controls me and I let him because I'm just used to it now. I no longer fight with him about meaningless things. I used to before but soon gave up. I used to scream and cry and fight but I stopped. It's better to accept the fact that I'm trapped and move on.

The bell from the front of the shop chimes and his smile fades.

 **"That boy must be here".** My voice lacked emotion but I smiled to make up for it. He nodded rather stiffly. **"Stay here."** He commands. Looking back at me he smiles before his face returns to its usual expression. He stepped out and all I heard for the next 5 minutes was muffled voices. I zoned out, staring at the wall in front of me as thought's filled my head. It wasn't until a girl with blonde curly hair bounced into the room did I look up.

Her smile seemed to get wider when she saw me. I went still not blinking as she moved her hand to my cheek. She was staring at me in awe.

 **"Wow, you're so pretty! "** She glanced down at my clothes. **"Paula I want a dress like that!"**

A girl with brown hair and matching eyes walked up behind her and nodded. **"Thank you".** My voice remained its usual low and soft tone.

They both jumped back, staring at me as if I had ten heads. **"Is something wrong?"** I questioned them curiously. They knew Drocell so why were they so surprised that I could talk ? I mean he's a living doll too! The young blonde was the first to recover. **"No s-s-sorry , I thought you were a doll."** She blushed with embarrassment. I turned my head to look at her. A clicking sound filled the room as I moved. My eyes were fixated on her. **" My dear girl, I am a doll."** She blinked slightly faster than before but didn't speak just simply nodded slowly. She analyzed me before smiling again.

 **"What's your name ?"** Her voice was annoyingly high pitched. It would have hurt my ears if I could still feel pain. **"Rose Keinz and you are ? "** Her eyes widened. **" Oh! You're Drocell's wife? That's SO cute!"** I stared at her blankly not bothering to correct her. She straightened her posture. "I'm Elizabeth but you can call me Lizzy." He smile beamed as If she had been electrocuted . I vaguely wondered if she ever got tired of smiling. It was unnatural for someone to be that happy all the time.

I looked into her eyes and saw a deep sadness. It's quite odd but us dolls can sense a persons unhappiness. It's almost like a built in radar. We can usually sense how many humans are around us too. I already knew that these two were here and I know that Drocell was out in the shop but I felt other presences. The boy and his butler ? Yes, but that wasn't it. 3 others, servants maybe ? I could still hear their muffled voices.

 **"We'll be staying for a week, I hope were no bother."** I just nodded stiffly and attempted to smile but I think I just creeped her out more. It's unusual that I smile at anyone other than Drocell so I'm not really certain how forced it may look.

The door opened again and this time a boy with teal blue hair and a butler strolled in. Three servants followed behind. One was blonde with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, the other was a girl with glasses and the last was a blonde boy with red clips. Drocell was last to enter. His eyes met mine and he smiled. My soft smile returned as soon as I saw that sparkle in his eyes. Elizabeth awe's loudly causing both of us to stare at her annoyed. Of course we didn't look annoyed. Doll's very rarely show emotion.

The only time Drocell even changes his expression is usually around me. If he's in a bad mood though he just avoids me. It upsets me but I have learned to live with it and move on. He doesn't like to be cheered up. Say's it makes him feel like a child which he clearly is not. I find it quite silly but it's better not to argue with him. You very rarely win only if he's too tired or annoyed to fight back. Then he just ignores you and starts humming.

Elizabeth had clung to the teal haired boy's arm. He was watching me closely along with his butler but the maid seemed to stare in amazement. After awhile he spoke, his tone held confusion and some concern. **" Who are you ?"**

 **"My name is Rose Keinz, pleasure to meet you Earl Phantomhive."** I bowed slightly. Drocell had told me his name awhile back. The boy seemed slightly surprised by my action's. Its not "proper" for a lady to bow although I've always felt to curtsy was very unnatural. It makes my knees crack which {trust me} doesn't sound pleasant.

It wasn't long before Drocell and the young earl went off to a different room for private conversation. Leaving me, the butler, Elizabeth, her friend and the 3 servant to await their return. We stood in silence for a few moments before the butler stepped forward, all eyes on him. **" I wasn't aware Drocell had a lover."**.

 **"He doesn't tell a lot of people about me."** Our conversation ended.

The next hour passed by in a blur. I showed the guests to their rooms, cleaned up the shop and made arrangements for supper. It wasn't exactly eventful, just regular chores. While I was busy folding the bed sheets Drocell had grabbed my arm, pulling me downstairs towards the workshop. That's how I ended up here, standing stiffly in the familiar presence of my fiance.

He sighed lightly, pacing back and fourth.

 **"I want you to be careful around them, alright ?"** I didn't respond which was a huge mistake.

 **" Did you hear me !?"** He hissed loudly.

I nodded resisting the urge to move away. If I moved he's just get more upset. Drocell glared slightly , his eyes analyzing me before grabbing my arm once more and pulling me into a tight hug. " I just want you to be safe, I don't trust them darling." His voice was like silk. I melted, hugging back just as tightly. Desperate to be closer to him. He chuckled , pulling me into a kiss. He was the first to pull away.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Staring into each others eyes, arms wrapped tightly around one another. It could have been hours, it could have been minutes. To this day I honestly can't tell. **" We should see how the guests are settling in."** I nodded as he left.

I waited a few minutes before following, the soft touch of his lips still present. My smiled never faded. I was sure then that he loved me and that I loved him. Of course , I couldn't possibly have known what was to come in the new few weeks. I was going to be at a cross road very soon and only I would be able to choose my life's course. I would soon wish for the day's when I was trapped in that little shop.

 _ **My home.**_


	2. The Change In Our Fate

I continued on down the moonlit hall until I heard something smash. I walked as quickly as my limited body could go and soon arrived at Drocell's workshop. Upon entering I saw the three Phantomhive servants. The blonde boy was crying; glancing around in a panicked manor, the red head seemed to be cleaning something. **" Sebastian's gonna kill us for this!"** The elder blonde complained loudly. I sighed lightly, my head tilting. At the sound of clacking they turned around, horrified expressions on their faces. _" As if I'd hurt them"_. The thought almost made me smile" Drocell won't be happy with this." I stared down at the now broken porcelain doll on the floor. They yelled out their apology's but I ignored it and silenced them. **" Your names ?** " I asked, my voice softer now. The red haired girl tried to bow but almost fell over. " **I'm Mey-Rin, me lady."** I nodded and looked towards the two boys. **"I'm Finny!"** His smile was almost as cheerful as his voice. I smiled back, immediately taking a liking to him. Being around Drocell so much I'm not used to such joyfulness but this boy just seems like a ball of sunshine. **" Baldroy."** The elder answered plainly.

We spent quite a while talking. Each of us having nothing better to do than to sit around. We mostly discussed our work and as much as I liked Mey-Rin I don't understand why a young man as smart as Ciel would hire a maid like her. The woman truly is hopeless, not to mention head over heels for Sebastian. Mey-Rin may be clumsy but she is the sweetest thing ever. Finny is also quite sweet, charming but not my type. Baldroy is entertaining to say the least. I've never met a chief with worse cooking skills than Baldroy. The man can't cook to save his life. I know this because I asked him to cook dinner and he used a flamethrower! A damn flamethrower! who does that ? I was laughing for ages while he just blushed and mumbled shut up to me. I invited them all out to the garden behind the manor. I was carful not to let Drocell see me, I'd be in for another lecture if he did. It took awhile but the others eventually returned, only to find Baldroy and I teaching Mey-Rin and Finny how to play cards.

Drocell seemed annoyed by this and swiftly grabbed my arm with his strings, pulling me to his side. Mey-Rin gave a concerned look but made no comment as he dragged me out to the front of the shop. She followed closely behind us. I glanced at Drocell, he remained emotionless but his eyes held a deep sadness, urgency and some form of worry. _" I know that look. "_ It's the same look I see every time someone comes to stay with us. I always ended up making at least one friend and then he'd usually make them leave. I knew he wanted to yell, he had a slightly deranged look in his beautiful eyes. He wanted to hurt me but he couldn't, too many witnesses that might take me away. I sighed as the mail came through the door along with a flier. I turned, breaking the string that held me in place as I bent down. Everyone had gone back to talking, even Drocell. Everyone except me.

If I could pause time and show you the moment my life started to spiral out of control it would be now. Right in that moment as I picked up the flier. That was the moment my fate was decided. All because of that moment hearts would be broken, people would be killed and life would be shattered. Even now I wonder if it was worth it. If I could go back and change it all, would I ? But I can't go back. All I can do is sit here and think about back then when everything was bright and simple.

I picked up the flier and mumbled the name to myself.

 **" Noah's Art Circus."**


	3. The Noah's Ark Circus

I set the mail down on the table and felt a pair of wooden arms wrap around my waist. I smiled and relaxed, making myself comfortable. _" He's not angry anymore."_ I thought as I held back a laugh. Drocell was being oddly touchy but I wasn't gonna complain. Honestly I kinda liked it. It gave me a sense of belonging. I noticed him looking down at where I had placed the flier but my eyes stayed focused intently on his face. **" I am thinking to myself perhaps we should go to this circus, we have not been out properly for some time now."** My eyes widened as I stared at him. **" Really!? "** He nodded very faintly, studying my reaction. **" We'll go tonight along with the Earl and his butler."** My smile must have been too wide because Elizabeth moved further away from me. I was just so happy. Drocell hasn't taken me out in months. He removed his hands from my waist and I immediately pouted. All he did was laugh and pat my head before walking back to his work room, humming as he went. All eyes were on me yet again.

To avoid Mey-Rin's questioning I quickly followed my fiance and sat down where I had been before. He worked for awhile before I broke the silence. **" You do know I'd never run off on you, right ? "** He didn't answer. **" Drocell."** I whispered, quickly wrapping my thin arms around his neck before looking up into those violet eyes I loved. **" I love you, I'm yours. Nothing can ever change that. "** I laughed lightly. **" After all, I sorta like being trapped in here with you all the time."** **"Oh, do you now ? "** I laughed as he picked me up and twirled me around before bringing me close to him. He kissed the top of my head. **" I love you too my precious little doll."** My smiled only got brighter. All too soon the clock stuck nine meaning it was time to serve dinner. I sighed. Time seems to pass too quickly when I'm with Drocell. I pulled my gaze away from his and we walked through the dark halls hand in hand.

The trip to the circus was rather uneventful. I mostly just stared out the window while Drocell watched me. The carriage soon left us as I looked around in awe. It wasn't anything like I had expected. Compared to this, Drocell's shop was tiny. Everything was so colorful, so fresh, so...new ? I paused. _"This feels weirdly familiar."_ I didn't have much time to think as Drocell had pulled me towards him. He looked at me pleadingly. **" Stay close, I don't want you to get lost."** I rolled my eyes, sticking my tounge out of the corner of my mouth. **" I'm not some little kid."** At these words Drocell froze but quickly regained his composure. I gave him a questioning look but he ignored me. Performers greeted us, smiling. After twenty minutes of excited rushing around I pulled him towards the big top. Drocell seemed nervous as we walked through the crowd. I knew he hated being outside but I didn't think he'd be this scared. He seemed lost, like a small puppy in a sea of people. I pulled him along, focusing completely on the big top. The show was almost starting when we took out seats. I noticed Ciel and Sebastian a few rows down from us.

Bright light illuminated the stage as a young boy threw knives at targets around the tents. The crowd gasping in fear and excitement. I was impressed. Knife throwing was a skill I definitely didn't have. I watched the blonde boy until finally he finished. A range of cheers erupted from the audience. **" Humans are so easily pleased."** Drocell muttered under his breath while glancing around. **" You were human once too you know."** He didn't reply, he didn't even look at me.

I turned my head back towards the ring only to find myself staring into bright violet eyes. I froze. Everything around me stopped, I couldn't hear the crowd, I couldn't smell the popcorn. My breath caught in my throat. The ring leader stared back at me with a look of shock but snapped back before the audience took notice. _" He's attractive"._ I thought, my eyes scanning his body and face. He winked at me, causing a blush to taint my cheeks. The ring leader continued on with the show but every few minutes he would glance back at me. The audience didn't notice but the performers did. The knife thrower had his attention fully on me. I could only hope Drocell didn't notice.

Everything was going fine until the last act. That's when things started to get messy. **" For this, we'll need a 'elper."** His eyes searched the crowd until they landed on me. A moment later I was blinded by the spotlight. **" How about this lovely ...lady?"** The ring leader had paused, uncertain but still smiling. He extended his hand which I gracefully took. I don't remember too much after that , all I knew is I was rushed to the doctors tent. Later I was told that the tiger had grazed my cheek during it's performance. Let's just say when something like that happens to a doll, the result usually looks more painful than it is.

Drocell had been unable to come with me but for once I didn't mind. Removing my hand from my cheek the performer's gasped at the sight of my shattered jaw and chin. **" Are ye alright ? "** The auburn haired man in front of me asked with concern. I couldn't speak properly so I just nodded. My eyes never left his. We stared at each other just like we had when he was in the ring. Ciel and Sebastian were nowhere to be seen. _" Where did they disappear off to?"_ Drocell was pacing outside , I could see his shadow on the tent walls. I knew he'd be worried.

I jumped as I felt a hand graze my cheek. The ring master was still in front of me, closer now. He looked from my broken cheek back to my eyes. I found myself lost is his violet eye's. They were so much like Drocell's except instead of Drocell's cold, emotionless stare; he held a soft, gentle gaze that could make anyone melt. **" I'm alright, that tend'd to happen a lot being made out of the materials I am has it's disadvantages. The main one being that I tend to break easily , I suppose i'm not very practical in that regard. It looks worse than it truly is ... I'll be fine."** I blushed, mentally cursing my self for rambling. This always happens when I'm nervous. He looked unsure but tried to smile regardless. **" I'm glad ye'r alright."** I tired not to laugh. He had the cutest accent I'd ever heard. Before he left to go check on Sebastian he glanced back, gave a cheeky wink and left the tent. If only I had seen the shadow from outside move into the room before I had allowed myself to blush maybe things would have turned out differently. I suppose that doesn't matter now. It's better not to dwell on the past.

Drocell took it upon himself to fix me, mending the skin together with his blade. Like always I sat through a long lecture about how reckless I was and how we would never be coming here again. I already knew that though. Something about the way he was acting during the show told me. I sighed lightly as he finished and walked out of the tent. I have no idea where he went in that time but suddenly my eyes because heavy. I tried to fight it off but eventually gave in.

 _ **Rose's Dream**_

 _Darkness surrounded me. I could hear nothing but the harsh,bitter breeze. My whole body felt as though it had been covered in a layer of ice. I tired to move only to find myself lifted off the floor. I was hanging in mid-air, my body dangling. I tugged at my wrist but ended up cutting them slightly. Warm, sticky blood spilled from my wrist at dangerous speed. Soon my entire dress was covered in the heavy red substance. My wrist began to burn. The darkness around me closed in, trapping me where I hung. I never screamed or cried out for help. I wasn't going to be hurt unless I did it to myself. I have nothing to fear._ _ **" Why does this feel so familiar?"**_ _I spoke to no one but to my surprise I got an answer._ _ **" You really don't remember, do you ?"**_ _I knew that voice...Joker. Before I could reply the strings that bound me were broken and I fell to the floor. A skeletal arm was held out to mine as I stared up into violet eyes._ _ **" How can you not remember ?"**_ _I didn't reply._ _ **"Jester?"**_ _He whimpered lightly, his eyes cutting me like a knife. He pulled me up, holding me in his strong arms._ _ **" I'll just have to make you remember."**_ _He tilted my head up. His lips dangerously close to mine. He leaned in and..._

I awoke with a jump. I should be used to this nightmare by now, it happens frequently but this time was different. This time I was saved from the rope's. _" Who has saved me ? "_ I thought back, going through every detail I would recall. _" Auburn hair, violet eyes."_ Drocell ? _"No..."_ The ring leader , but why was he in my dream ? I wondered as I opened my eyes fully, rubbing the sleep from them. Still slightly startled by my dream I glanced around. Guilt drowned me the moment I saw Drocell sitting in the chair beside me. Worry etched across his face. He jumped up, grabbing me into a hug. His breath was quick as though he were struggling to breath. He was probably terrified. This only made me feel worse. The circus performer's were also in the room but I barely payed them any mind. I was too focused on the man in front of me.

Someone grabbed my arm, pulling me out of Drocell's reach. He didn't seem too happy about that. I looked to my capture and smiled slightly at Joker. **"Glad to see ye up and about, gave us lot quite a scare."** The blonde boy who Joker had referred to as Dagger during the show stepped forward. He studied me intensely. **" We were afraid Betty 'ad broken ye'r jaw or somethin'."** His voice sounded strained. Drocell glared at them both. Joker's smile disappeared for a moment but once he saw me staring it returned. **" So...What's ye'r name? "** Everyone stared at me, Dagger was inching closer by the second looking overly hopeful. I shifted uncomfortably under their gaze's. **" Rose, Rose Keniz."** My voice was low and he had to strain to hear me. Dagger froze in place, shaking slightly from anger. Joker looked at Drocell for a second and then back to me. **" That name don't suit you."** He reported bluntly before turning to the other performer's. **" What do ye think we should call 'im."** My eyes widened. Never had I been told my name didn't suit me. People usually just smiled and nodded telling me it was a lovely name for a lovely girl. Drocell had named me. It was the name he had chose and while I never liked it, I never hated it. The other circus performers looked at me curiously, each thinking. Dagger just seemed to get worse by the minute, tears were evident in his eyes, he was ghostly pale and looked ready to kill. It seemed like they had all made an agreement that I was unaware of. **" I've got it!"** Joker exclaimed, his voice a slightly higher pitch. The boy known as Dagger was watching Drocell closely, analyzing his every move. **" We'll call 'im Jest."** The other's smiled happily. Drocell just stared at him, anger dancing across his eyes. **" I am thinking to myself that her name suits her fine."** I nodded in agreement although I did feel touched by my newly given name. _" It seems so familiar though."_ Joker just laughed which only fueled Drocell's anger. **" We were wonderin' if ye'd like to join this here circus."** My eyes lit up as he said this. The two children seemed to notice because they laughed and high fived each other. I've always longed to travel and see the world. **" Why?"** I questioned trying to keep the excitement out of my voice. Dagger opened his mouth but Joker spoke hurriedly before he could speak. **" Y'er a livin' doll, most people ain't seen that before."**

I felt myself being dragged away from him until I was once again in Drocell's arms. He held me tightly, a little too tightly and I fought against him. He was hurting me, only slightly but enough for me to feel unsafe. His wooden hands dug into my side and I winced as the porcelain shattered. Once her relaized what he had done he dropped his arms immediately and looked at me. It was too late though. Dagger and Joker looked livid. I just sighed still feeling dull and tired. Drocell seemed to pick up on that. **" You need your rest, let's go home."** Before I could object Drocell wrapped three string's around my waist and began pulling me. He didn't even get to the opening of the tent before a knife broke the strings that bound me. Joker and Dagger were standing behind us. **" You bastard ! How dare ye lay a hand on one of our family."** Dagger pulled me towards him, holding onto me for dear life. **" Family ?"** My voice barely above a whisper. Dagger looked as though i had stabbed him. He sunk to the floor, sobbing into his hands. I moved forward but Joker pulled me back. **" I don't think it's safe for you to leave with 'im."** My head was spinning. On the other side of me Drocell held out his hand. **" Im sorry, I didn't mean to grip you so tightly. I am thinking to myself perhaps we should go home."** Every word he said seemed to make Dagger sob louder. Something tugged at my heart. I wanted to hug him, to comfort him, to protect him. My heart was racing. Drocell's eyes looked dull. He gave me a small yet warm smile, the kind only he could give. He left without another word.

Joker smiled, about to welcome me into the troupe but I stopped him by placing my fingers on his lips. **" I'm sorry."** I had an overwhelming feeling this wasn't the last time out path's would cross but I needed Drocell. He was my life, my reason to live. I wasn't ready to leave him just yet. Joker's eyes saddened but I didn't give him time to speak. I ran without looking back. I ran from that tent, from the crying boy , from the looks of shock.

The rain was pouring but It didn't slow me. After awhile of searching I finally found him sat up against a tree outside, perfectly still. The clothes he wore were drenched by rain, the cloth sticking to his skin. He didn't move as I sat beside him. Worry took over as I shook him slightly looking for anything that might indicate life. He looked over suddenly causing me to jump. **" You followed me ? "** I nodded but didn't speak. Our eyes locked. The world around us seemed to pause. Drocell smiled as he moved our foreheads together. **" How could I not ?** " I whispered softly. **" After all I sort of like being trapped in our little shop with you."** I smiled weakly as the lie rolled off my tongue. The thought of being trapped in that place kept me up at night but right now all I wanted to do was make him happy. His arms made their way around my waist as he kissed me softly. It felt as though he were afraid i would break if he used anymore force.

We made our way to the entrance where our carriage awaits. Ciel and Sebastian has already left. Drocell glanced at me before shaking his head disapprovingly. **" This is why we don't leave the shop often, your dress is filthy."** I giggled in response which made him smile slightly. The carriage pulled away the moment we got inside. A yawn escaped my lips. _" I've slept far too much today."_ I thought as I closed my eyes. I was thankful when a dreamless sleep overcame me.


	4. Jester and Joker

I yawned, stretching my arms out as I sat up in bed. My neck creaked slightly as I stood up and made my way to the wardrobe. " Drocell probably carried me here." I thought as I looked through my dresses. The sun was just rising as bright rays came through the window. I choose a black and white lace dress. It came to my knee and had a frill lining. I've never worn this one but I suppose it looks nice. I sighed, glancing in the mirror. Honestly, I've never felt truly comfortable in dresses. **"You're awake."** A dull voice stated from behind me. Two strings wrapped around my waist and pulled me to face my fiance. He smirked, placing two fingers just above my eye lids before closing them. I heard rustling. I opened my eyes to reveal Drocell on one knee with a midnight black rose in his hand. He kissed the back of my hand slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. **" It's beautiful."** I mumbled.

Drocell stared up at me. Violet eyes set ablaze with worry and regret. It wasn't until he stood and sat at my dresser that I realized what he was looking at. The dress showed the side of my stomach where he had dug his nails into my skin. The thick, black cracks were still fresh and stung slightly. I stared back at him and for the first time I saw what the circus troupe had probably seen. A dangerous, cunning, dominant, possessive, creepy man capable of anything. His smile no longer looked warm but taunting. His eyes no longer held regret just worry. I knew exactly what he was worried about. _" He doesn't care that he's marked me, he's just worried I'll leave I'm gonna run off to the circus and never come back. That's all he cares about. He just dreads being alone for eternity."_ I won't lie, the thought was very tempting. After all, Joker had jumped and defended me when Drocell got too close for comfort, as though he actually cared for me. I shook my head. _" Forget about him."_ I tried to occupy my mind but It didn't help. Everything about him drew me in. The way his hair fell in front of his eyes, his bright smile, those vivid pools of violet, the way he held me ... It all seemed so comfortable, so familiar. **" You're smiling."** I dropped my smile immediately, a bored look replacing it. **" You want to leave."** He stated plainly. I just turned away from him, my eyes closed tight in frustration. He never answered instead deciding to storm out. This time I didn't follow him.

Something about this manor was different. In all my years here it had never seemed more like a prison than it did now. I felt more trapped than ever. Suddenly the dream I had came back into my mind. I had so many questions , it made my head spin but I can't find the answers to them. Not while I was still trapped. Drocell has me bound in his strings. The question was did I want to be saved ? Even I couldn't answer that honestly yet. Did I really want to leave ? Is the truth about my old life worth my life now ? Would it even change anything ? I don't know why but I have a nagging feeling that circus has something to do with it. I sighed and thought back to the circus. Dagger had said we were family. I've never had a family before...not one I can remember. Family was something I had longed for and now I had the chance to have one of my own. A family, friends, sisters, brothers. A chance to travel, meet new people, perform on stage and live life to the fullest. The circus offered all this and more but... The shop offered comfort, a home, a person I loved. A lover and a chance to live with what was familiar and safe. I sat by the window and sighed. I knew soon enough I would have to make a decision.

I sat there for the longest time, staring out the window. It was raining again today. I followed the rain drops down the window, tracing the criss cross designs they made. Minutes faded into hours. Drocell hasn't checked on me all day which was unusual. I can't tell if he's upset or mad. Honestly I'm not sure what to do.

I could just sit here. No one would notice. I could sit and rust, maybe even die. No one would care. Dying would be a lot easier than making this decision. I was still too afraid to ask him about my life before all this. I hate upsetting him. " I should probably apologies." I thought, standing up. " He created me after all." I paused for a moment. Had he created me ? Had he designed me or was it someone else. I had a feeling Drocell wouldn't tell me about it if I asked. He's never talked about life before we met. My mind was reeling and my stomach doing flips. I need to find out who I was before. I know I won't have a moments rest until I find out. I could hear shuffling downstairs but ignored it. I was still a little groggy and decided to wait until tomorrow to deal with Drocell. I quickly walked to our bed and lay down. The purple walls of my room faded to black.

 ** _Rose's Dream._**

 _I awoke on a small but comfortable bed, The sheets felt harsh against my skin._ _"I'm not at home."_ _I sat up, glancing around in shock. A small mirror sat on an overflowing dresser and in it I saw myself. Familiar wide silver eyes stared back at me but that's all that was familiar. I froze as I took in my appearance. Chin length white blonde hair, Pierced ghostly white skin, Thin face, rosebud lips. The boy in the mirror was quite young, around 19 or so. He was short, standing at about 5'7. He was thin but had toned arms and legs, clearly no stranger to exercise. His make-up was rather odd though, A large black triangle had been painted on his left eye covering his eyebrow completely. On the left side were three claw marks coming down past his cheek. I glanced around, I was in a tent. A blue and white stripped tent, in the corner was the bed I had got up from. Clothes and makeup was scattered around the room. I heard someone enter from behind me but I couldn't move. All I could do was watch as the scene played in front of me._

 _ **" Ye should be more careful Jest, Almost threw ye'r back out on that last jump."**_ _Joker moved closed, holding the blonde boy close to him._ _ **" Feeling alright ?"**_ _He questioned , his voice laced with concern. A sigh erupted from the boy. " I'm fine darling." His smoky voice rang out. Joker chuckled, slowly kissing down the boys neck. He watched him closely, a smirk playing on his lips. He moved forward, pulling Joker's face close to his._ _ **" You have the most beautiful eyes."**_ _Joker's voice was barely a whisper. The blonde boy didn't respond but simply pressed his lips against his. Joker sank into it quickly but pulled away, voice deep and breathy._ _ **" It's completely ye'r decision but I think ye should bring Dagger along , the city's dangerous at night. I don't want you gettin' 'urt. "**_ _The boy simply nodded._ _ **" Let's not talk about this right now. "**_ _He walked passed Joker, taking off his shirt to reveal a well toned stomach before laying down on the bed. " Maybe I can help take your mind off it." Joker turned bright red as Jester winked at him but he followed him to the bed, removing his shirt also..._

 **Hey guys,**

 **Let me know what you think of the story so far and if you have any suggestions on how I could continue it. Thanks for reading ! :)**


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